Episode 84: A Parent Perspective from Admissions Professionals

Episode 84

• Episode 84 Transcript

  [INTRO]

  [00:00:06] BHA: While it may be the student who gets admitted to college in the end, they aren't the only ones with a hand in the process.

  [00:00:11] BT: From those initial Google searches to campus visits and beyond, parents and families are discovering and learning right alongside their student. On this episode of College Admissions Insider, we're taking a closer look at the parent and family experience. I'm Brooke Thames from Bucknell University.

  [00:00:27] BHA: I'm Becca Haupt Aldredge, also from Bucknell University. Today, we'll be talking about the role that parents and families play in the college search process.

  [00:00:35] BT: Our guests are two parents who also happen to be admissions professionals at Bucknell. Lara Schmitt is assistant director of admissions for access & outreach, and Brett Basom is associate director for international recruitment. Welcome to the podcast.

  [00:00:49] BB: Great. Thanks for having us.

  [00:00:51] LS: Yes. Thank you, Brooke and Becca.

  [00:00:53] BHA: Can each of you tell us a little bit more about your work at Bucknell and your children who are in or have been through college?

  [00:01:00] BB: Yes. I've been at Bucknell for about seven years. I do the international admissions piece here at Bucknell, so I get the joy of working with students and parents from around the world. Even though I've only been at Bucknell seven years, I've been in higher ed most of my life in one form or another. I have one son who graduated from college two years ago in 2022. He is successfully navigating the world of adulthood. We're slowly cutting the financial ties, so Mom and Dad are happy.

  [00:01:28] LS: I'm Lara, and I have been with Bucknell for going on 13 years now, and in the admissions office all 13 years prior to that. I was at another school for about a year in admissions. I have three children. My oldest daughter just recently graduated from a college down in Florida, and my son is actually a rising senior right here at Bucknell. Our youngest daughter, she is actually in a school in Texas, and she just completed her first year there.

  [00:01:57] BT: Sounds like we have a wealth of knowledge here on the podcast today. I'd like to think that the first step towards college for a student and their family is talking about it. When did the college conversation come up in each of your households? Was it you who initiated the process, or was it your student?

  [00:02:13] LS: For my family, we actually started the conversation very early on. I’ve been working in admissions for over a decade. My husband actually was previously a high school teacher, and he was also an adjunct professor at other local schools here. We really started discussing college with them when they were young. I mean, my kids used to come here to Bucknell, so they were very comfortable with the campus, playing on the quad, hanging out in the library. It was definitely something that we always discussed, even when they were kids, the idea of attending college eventually.

  My husband actually, he got his masters here at Bucknell as well. He was doing that part-time while he was working full-time, so the kids were really very much aware of the whole college atmosphere and what it means after high school to go on to college.

  [00:03:02] BB: Looking back on it, for us, I don't think there was any one defining moment where we sat down and had "the talk." I think it's just something for us that prepped into the conversation over the course of the years. Kind of similar to Lara, my son grew up around a college campus. I was not working at Bucknell at the time, but it was at another small liberal arts college. A lot of his friends…his friend group was mostly professors’ kids. His preschool was actually on the campus of the previous college, so he was always around it. He would come to visit me in the office. I think it was kind of an unspoken expectation that college would be in your future, so it just kind of crept into the conversation as he grew older.

  [00:03:40] BHA: It sounds like for both of your families, working at a college or university was a big part of exposing your students to what college could look like for them. While college might be the assumed next step for some students, it might not be a given for others. Was gauging your students’ values around higher education part of the initial conversations? What did that look like?

  [00:04:02] LS: In my household, it wasn't really assumed, even though they were really exposed to the whole idea of going to college and the college campus. My husband was especially, particularly, was very clear on letting them know that college isn't necessarily for everyone, so it wasn't an assumption. I mean, we did talk to them about attending college. Talked to them about their future goals, where they saw themselves, and line of work they might be interested in when they got older. But it was something that he also made clear to them that it's not for everyone, and there's a lot of careers out there that you don't need to attend college.

  [00:04:39] BB: Yes, and I totally agree with that. I think there's some kind of higher ed for everyone, but it's not necessarily college. I’m a strong believer in improving yourself and such. But our conversations, we tried to really keep them age-appropriate. When my son was in elementary school, we weren't asking, “Where do you want to get your PhD?” There was nothing like that going on, but we were asking things like, “What's your favorite subject? What do you like in school, and what can you see yourself doing when you're grown up?”

  That kind of led to us looking at what were his strengths. It was pretty clear by the time he got into high school that he's probably not going to be an English literature major. But he was definitely more analytical, and we could see that, yes, probably something in the technology field or some kind of stem field would be appropriate. The questions kind of evolved to things like, “How far from home do you want to be? I mean, do you want to see Mom and Dad a lot? Or do you not want to see us for four years? Can you see yourself thriving in a large, big flagship university or a smaller environment?” Those are the kinds of questions that we were asking just to kind of gauge his values and what type of place he might want to go to.

  [00:05:44] BT: Yes, I love that series of questions that both of you asked in your households about whether or not college is right for the student and then probing a little bit deeper to what kind of place do you want to go. When it came time to start looking at colleges, I wonder if you felt that being admissions professionals yourselves gave you a leg up. Were there certain things you were looking for as a parent that you encourage your student to keep an eye out for as well?

  [00:06:08] BB: Yes. Of course, I thought I was an expert. I thought I knew it all, but I quickly realized that I didn't know anything. When I put on the parent hat, it was definitely looking at colleges from a different lens. I mean, I knew a lot about my institution but not so much about some of the other schools.

  Things I really emphasized with my son to really do your research upfront, even before visiting. Find out what schools have your major. The questions that I thought were important from just my experience in working in a college, how engaged are the faculty with the undergrads? I mean, are they teaching, or are they off doing research? I wanted an environment where the undergrads are actually actively engaged with the faculty.

  I also wanted to know what kind of experiential learning opportunities were there. Were there opportunities to do research and study abroad, leadership development, that kind of stuff? Of course, the basic question of, "What do students do on the weekends, and what happens after they graduate? How successful are they?" Those were the things that I wanted to know upfront and kind of emphasized with my son to look at those things.

  I even would tell him, just when you go onto the college campuses to visit, the admission people are all wonderful people wherever you go. But really look beyond that. Try to connect with some of the students on campus, maybe the faculty to really see what it's like and to see how you match up with that. Just grab a campus newspaper and see what the real issues are.

  [00:07:33] LS: I have to agree completely with Brett. I feel like he answered exactly the way I was planning on answering. Yes, we did the same things with our kids. Really encouraged them to think about their career goals as well, to see which school would set them up best for that to reach their goals, as well as looking at the other activities that they could do outside of an academic setting also at the schools.

  One thing, though, that was also big in our household was with three kids, we did have the opportunity for them to get Tuition Exchange through Bucknell. My husband is also actually in the military, so they also had a GI Bill option. That was something that we reminded them of. But, really, in the end, it was their choice whether or not. Of course, they wanted to look at schools that were strictly in the Tuition Exchange program. That was something that I think really affected their choice in the schools that they would be looking at.

  [00:08:29] BHA: That also sounds like a really nice way, Lara, to blend finances and fit into the conversation so that they are keeping some of those things in mind when exploring schools that are going to be the best fit for each of your students and your whole family.

  [00:08:44] BT: With different life experiences and personalities in play, maybe a few in the case of Lara, I imagine that there are moments where parents and their students might not always see eye to eye or agree on the same things. Were there moments where your student was really excited about something and you came in maybe with a soft counterpoint?

  [00:09:05] BB: For us, music was always a big part of my son's life, so it was kind of weighing. Is this something he can do as a career or not? Looking at colleges, it was about finding a career that was going to get him somewhere but keeping music in his life, even though he's probably not going to be a professional. But let's keep it as part of his life, so finding an institution that would fit that need.

  [00:09:28] LS: For me, I would say it's similar but almost the opposite. For our son, for instance, we really felt that the hobbies that he had in high school and even when he was younger really, to us, spoke to what we felt would be best major choice for him. But he didn't go that route. He actually chose a major that he felt would be more practical for what he wanted in the future. Then he ended up changing his major to history which is really the major that we thought because it was such a passion of his, not just in an academic sense but even just in a personal sense. He was always reading up on history in school. We were very surprised that he decided to go the other route at first, but then he came back to it.

  [00:10:08] BHA: Let's zoom out a bit and take a closer look at your involvement throughout the process. From those initial college searches to when your student got their acceptance letter in the mail, did you find that your student took the lead? Or did they require more support from you? How did you balance being supportive versus being over involved?

  [00:10:28] LS: Well, with three kids, I can say that they were all very different. I think my daughters tended to take the lead in pretty much everything, and that definitely translated into when they were doing the college search. They really did take the lead on that, whereas my son not as much. He did know what he wanted — or thought he knew what he wanted — as far as a major, for instance, but he really needed a little bit more support from us.

  I like to joke sometimes about the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. My kids are the three bears, right. They're very different in their approaches just in life in general. They really needed different levels of support, each of them, definitely less on my end with my daughters than with my son.

  [00:11:12] BB: I intentionally took a step back. I wanted it to be clear that I was not taking control of this. I didn't want to be seen as controlling because of my experience working in a college. I wanted it to be clear that this was his search. This was going to be his college, his life. But I wanted to be a resource, too, so I wanted to let him know that I was there when he needed me, if he had questions. I'm kind of that parent who kept a wide orbit. I didn't want to be hovering too closely, which I think, in general, is pretty good parenting advice. But I was there when he needed me. There were certainly some check-in points. I made sure that he did have a list that looked pretty good of schools. I made sure that he was hitting the deadlines because, as we all know, they vary from college to college.

  But interestingly enough, his initial college visits he made with his friends. We weren't a part of. He went with some friends. I believe his school had a trip where he went with this guidance office to visit a college. But we made sure that once we got down to the top choices and when he was making the final selections that we were a part of that process. We were on those visits, so we were seeing things, too, so that we could give our input.

  [00:12:21] BT: As Brett hinted at earlier, it's easy to think that being admissions professionals would make the whole process a breeze. But you both and anyone who listens to our show can tell you that admissions can be really complex. Is there anything you wish you'd known at the start or even mistakes that you made that might be good advice for others?

  [00:12:39] BB: I think it's always good to expand your vision. Look beyond the 10 big-name schools and do know that there are other really good places out there. Don't just listen to your friends where they're going or all the students from your school are going or what school has the best football team, unless you play football, of course. I think just doing your research upfront to find the right fit for you. That's probably the most important thing about this whole process. Don't stress out too much about it. It all works out in the end. There are so many good colleges out there that would love to have your son or daughter. Just knowing that is just finding them and then finding the ones that fit best for them.

  [00:13:17] LS: I think, for me, I would say that the main thing that I wish I had taken a closer look at to better support my kids…Because, like I said, the girls were pretty independent as far as doing their own college searches and things like that, and my son was as well in that area. But really, I think it would have helped if I had had a better understanding of the whole financial end of things with financial aid and the FAFSA and that whole process.

  It's interesting now also because on the other end of it with my oldest daughter, who just graduated, just really being able to guide her now with things like her student loans and that whole process….I think it would have been better if I had taken a much more closer look at that four years ago so that I could better support her in that area.

  [00:14:05] BHA: That's really thoughtful advice that I'm sure our listeners will take with them. But to play a little bit of devil's advocate, is there advice that you were given that you didn't take, and did that impact the process for the better?

  [00:14:18] LS: One of the bits of advice that I had been given was regarding post-acceptance college visits versus pre-acceptance visits. At the time, five years ago now, when my oldest was looking at schools, we were advised that we don't visit the schools until after she was accepted to them. That's something that now I feel like would have been better if we had visited the schools ahead of time, which we did end up doing with my son and with our youngest daughter. That was one thing that I feel it impacted the process for the better that we did not follow that advice the second and third time around.

  [00:14:57] BB: Yes. I can think of a couple of things. One bit of advice was that you have to apply to 20 or 30 colleges. You have to look at so many colleges, and I don't agree with that. I mean think about the cost of application fees and such. I think, again, if you're doing the research upfront, finding schools that look like they're a good fit, visiting them, you can narrow that list down to a reasonable amount, three, five, eight, whatever it may be, to start the process.

  The other thing I think I found was not to value, or maybe over-value, one person's opinion too much. This could be anything from a tour guide you met or the neighbor down the street who had a bad experience or even things that you see posted on social media. Again, it's just one person's opinion, and a college or university is made up of many, many people, and most of whom have really good experiences. Again, doing your research so that you can make your own informed decision that works best for you.

  [00:15:54] BT: What I've heard throughout this episode is that this journey like any has its ups and its downs and its failures and its successes. But I'd love to round out this episode with some praise for both of you. Ushering a child into the next phase of their life is no small feat. What’s something that you feel you did really well as a parent in the admissions process as a whole?

  [00:16:16] BB: Yes. I guess just keeping it low-stress, trying to check in as needed, and to be a resource. From an academic end, I guess through my experience of working in a college and reading thousands and thousands of transcripts over the years, just understanding what a good course selection in high school would be. I was able to advise my son on, yes, these are good courses that colleges are going to want to see and will make you competitive versus taking too easy of a schedule or something senior year.

  At the same time, just really emphasizing just keeping a balance in life because, yes, you don't want to stress out too much. You want to be competitive. You want to work hard. But at the same time, there are other things that you need to round out your life, and there are certain soft skills in life that will enhance you wherever you go.

  Of course, I would be remiss if I didn't give my wife credit. She certainly kept an academic tone around her house. I traveled a lot for work, so she was able to keep that going. Keep my son's nose to the grindstone when needed. That was very helpful, so definitely a team effort.

  [00:17:16] LS: Yes, I agree. With my husband and I as well, it was definitely a team effort, especially, I mentioned earlier about the financial end of things. He really did take the lead on that because I felt that I hadn't taken enough of a deeper dive into how best to advise my kids in that area.

  But I would say that the bits of advice that I did give my kids was that to tell them that there's lots of great schools out there and so many to choose from and for them to look into and so many options. Really, they needed to look at the school where they could really see themselves, where they could see themselves interacting with the professors. Getting the hands-on experience and the research and internship opportunities that they wanted, where they could see themselves hanging out with friends in the quad or in the library or downtown.

  Also, almost more importantly or just as important maybe is a school that would really set them up to reach their future goals. I think that was the largest piece of advice that I gave them, and they really seem to follow and help them to succeed.

  [00:18:18] BHA: I want to thank you both for being on this episode. You bring a wealth of knowledge not only as admissions professionals but also as parents in the process. We are so glad that you're able to share some of your words of wisdom with our listeners. Thanks for joining us.

  [00:18:33] LS: Yes. Thank you. Thank you for having us.

  [00:18:34] BB: Yes, thanks.

  [00:18:35] BT: Thanks to everyone out there for listening. If you're a fan of the podcast, please take a moment to rate, subscribe, and share this episode with the families in your life.

  [00:18:43] BHA: We'll be back with another new episode in a few weeks. In the meantime, send your questions, comments and episode ideas to podcast@bucknell.edu. We read every note you send.

  [00:18:54] BT: Finally, you're invited to follow Bucknell on your favorite social media apps. Just look for @bucknellu on Instagram, Facebook, X, YouTube and TikTok. You can also follow our student-run Instagram account which is @iamraybucknell.

  [00:19:09] BHA: Until next time, keep reaching for your dreams and your dream school.

  [END]